Disappointment

“You’re disappointing me.”
“You’re such a disappointment.”
“This is disappointing.”
“I can’t get over the disappointment.”
“I’m so disappointed.”

In this business, I am faced with varying degrees of disappointment that can be presented as a noun, verb or adjective. Whatever the context, disappointment is a strong force that can shape your perspective of self and others and your relationships.
There’s plenty of research on the core and consequences of disappointment and while research informs me in knowledge, my clients are more interested in what to do about it; how to stop being disappointed.

First, see people for who they are and not who you imagine they should or could be. Stay in the present.

Second, try to separate your emotion from what’s really happening. Be realistic in your expectations. Understand that people “show up” for you in their way.

Third, remind yourself to communicate before, during and after disappointment. Ineffective communication is shutting down to teach people a lesson. Since you’re not telling them that you are shutting down to teach them a lesson, they won’t know that is the lesson they should be learning.

Lastly, cry, complain and consider. Cry to process your sadness; tears have a way of explaining the unexplainable. Complain to give yourself an opportunity to reexamine what happened, not just how you feel. Consider what you could have done differently, what you will do differently next time, how you will communicate your needs in the future and what will be the roles of people in your life.